


Please Say You Remember Me

by SacredMorningStar



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus is a Perceptive fucker, Character Death Pre-Fic, Hints at Death, M/M, Mentions of Death, Spoilers, Spoilers for Campaign 2 Ep 111, Spoilers for Campaign 2 Ep 26, anxiety attack, caleb has a breakdown, hints at previous relationship, hints of unrequited love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27118480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SacredMorningStar/pseuds/SacredMorningStar
Summary: Spoilers for Campaign 2 Ep 111! PLEASE Do not read Summary if you have not seen this Episode! Written before 112 was filmed and released.After finding the grave, after finding out just what happened, Caleb began to break down. Begins blaming himself for resurrecting painful memories, begins scolding himself, but all he can think about is Molly, about what he could have done. Caduceus reminds the Wizard he has friends.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf & Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Please Say You Remember Me

Caleb stared at the brightly coloured, filthy coat that was completely and utterly Mollymauk. Their Molly would never have left it to drift off and grow so filthy. They adored that coat. The grave was empty. No body. No sign of someone digging out. Nothing within in the grave showing they had even buried them there. Caleb could feel his heart beginning to skip as he looked to Jester seeing her change her spell at the realisation there was nothing in the grave. He stared down into the hole, at the thick mud that clung to his fingers, at the cross at the head of the grave and felt the heavy rainfall soaking through his hair. The cold rain felt like it was drowning him, the air almost seemed thicker, and he sat on the edge of the grave just staring at the coat and the hole he and Veth had dug. He had been so certain they would speak to Molly through Caduceus’ magic, that they would find them there still in the ground, how could he be alive and walk when they had buried him. Magic could do so much, could be so much, but he hadn’t seen it bring someone to life after they had been buried.

His gut had told him they needed to speak with Molly, that they needed to find out what they knew on the Eyes of Nine, the strange thing they’d been shown visions of, the thing the being who had power over Rumblecusp seemed to be so frightened of. Something inside him demanded answers and it seemed they were only going to get answers from the being they buried. All routes led back to them, all mystery led back to them, to the friend they lost, and Caleb had thought he had fully grieved. To say Caleb wasn’t the best with emotion would be a terrible understatement as he had learned to bury his emotions behind a goal or a task or a mission; looking more at the possible gains or benefits than how it would affect him. Ignoring his emotions had been easy to learn, easy to control, he could push down his fears and grief if it meant they were closer to getting answers they needed.

Now though, those emotions that had been pushed deep down were rushing to the surface like a fracturing dam as he stared into the empty grave. He could feel his heart pounding, hear the blood flow through his ears, could sense the impending panic-attack at the realisation of what the next step would be. Beauregard had been closer to the truth than any of them had expected in her almost deranged moment of connecting so many notes, connecting the notes she’d made on all of their adventures, surprisingly detailed on all the adventures and the people they’d met along the way. Any other day, Caleb would have been impressed with the ingenuity of the monk and all her forethought, but right now there was a weight on his chest he thought he’d broken free of.

The brightly coloured coat that had been Mollymauk, that had symbolised everything Molly, had been abandoned and left to grow ruined, but without the signs of anyone digging Caleb felt chills. There was nothing to show someone had dug him up when they came, the grave looking like it had when they buried it, except for the fact his body was gone, the marker was crooking and the coat was cast to the wind, and Caleb began to wonder who was walking in their friend’s body. Whoever was walking around in Molly’s body would they even have their memories, would they be like Molly had been with Lucien’s, or would they have their memories and simply not care? He reached for the coat only to pull his hand back quickly and turn away. He needed to get back, to give himself some space, needed to silence his mind as he could hear the voice inside scolding him for abandoning Molly.

He could have been there, they all could have been there if they’d just waited,, could have helped him, but they left him to go cold in the ground and turn into whoever it was out there; maybe Lucien or Nonagon coming back to claim the body. He heard Jester talking about how Cree and Molly were both somewhere with thick, blinding snow was enough to reveal she’d got her claws into him and he wondered if they had been there would they have made sure it was Mollymauk that came back.

“Caleb are you okay? You need to breathe, it…this isn’t on you…this was something we all wondered about and thought could happen.” Veth took hold of Caleb’s hand; passing the coat to Yasha. “Wasn’t it…wasn’t this why you pushed us to come here? To try and talk to Molly? That he might be alive when we got here?”

“I do not know, Veth. I just, all I could think about was learning more about Mollymauk’s connection to this Eyes of Nine. Something was telling me we had to get the answers from them. I didn’t…I wasn’t even sure, I just, scheiß. I never wanted this to be what happened.” Caleb had climbed away from the hole and the group dropping himself on a nearby log running a hand over his face in frustration. “I don’t even, I do not think that is Molly, at least not the one we knew. I think we might be in the same position as Cree was when we met her. Would Molly even remember us? Would they even care to be around us?”

Caleb looked back at the grave and its knocked over marker wondering what happened and how long ago. How long had Molly been buried? Was Molly somewhere within their body or was that life gone when his life was taken? Could he even face Molly again when he was so certain the being he loved was gone? He looked down at the halfling next to him and held her hand tightly as his mind raced wildly trying to find every solution, everything that could go wrong, everything that they could do to reduce or prevent things from going wrong, only to feel a large hand at his shoulder drawing him out of his thoughts.

I think we should go back to Zadash, Caleb. Get out of the rain and plan what we do next. I get the feeling, like the others, we will be seeing your friend again if our adventures are anything to go by. For now, we can worry about paths crossing closer to the time.” Caduceus smiled softly to the human clearly noticing his panic and racing mind. “Let’s get somewhere dry before letting our minds make things seems worse than they are. Or maybe do something regretful.”

Caleb looked over the group, nodded and made sure Jester warned those at the Cobalt Soul they were coming back; he was not ready to deal with randomly dropping in. They could easily get back to their room, make the tower hidden within, give them somewhere private to discuss what they’d do next. They’d got the job from Vess DeRogna taking them north and there were some that were sure it would bring them face-to-face with the being now inhabiting their friend. Veth went to find her family as soon at they arrived in Zadash, Caleb and Yasha headed back to the tavern knowing Caleb needed to rest to make the tower, while the others tried to find out what they could about where they were going; Beau helping them study in the Cobalt Soul.

As soon as Caleb could, he made the tower, knowing it would last twenty-four hours or until he left, and dived deep within to go to the library and find everything he had already read about Molly, about Vess, about where they were going, flicking through everything they had gathered trying to find something before everyone returned. He’d needed to think, needed to get his chaotic thoughts in order, to find some way to silence the scolding tone, and he just couldn’t seem to stop his head with the others back about an hour later. The library had every book he thought they would need, as best replicated by his keen mind, and while they were distracted he slipped off towards his room higher in the tower not wanting to break in front of the group.

“You could have been there! We could have been there to help them! If you had used your head, not let your emotions mess with your thoughts, we could maybe have had him back with us.” He scolded himself and pulled at his beard sighing heavily. “We could have all been fighting together.”

He had Frumpkin laying over his shoulders, pawing and nuzzling at him trying to soothe his companion; Caleb audibly scolding and berating himself. There was little the fey could do to soothe their companion but it seemed they hadn’t have to wait long for someone to help soothe the agitated wizard. Everything they had been facing seemed to be testing Caleb more and more, pushing him to his emotional limit, desperate to break him again and see him crumble. He hadn’t been the only one to see his companions worry as there was a knock at his door bringing Caleb out of his downward spiral as Caduceus came into the room; ignoring the silence as he came to check on the wizard.

“We think we have a few ideas, but we wanted to decide as a group. You haven’t been back down, and we were beginning to wonder if you were doing alright. You were more reactive than I believed all of us expected and we just thought you might need some time. However, I thought it right to come check on you now.” Caduceus could see the panic and anxiety the wizard tried to bury.

“I…I had expected us to find Molly still there, that they were still in the ground, that we would use your magic to get the answers we need. Knowing they were awake, they are walking around, and we weren’t there to help. I don’t even think the being strutting around in Molly’s body is our friend, I think it might be whoever had been there before.” Caleb hadn’t even realised his hands had been shaking until large, white furred hands covered one. “What if we could have been there? What if he had woke on his own like before?”

“Fate can have a strange way of guiding us and pushing us in a way we don’t expect. Like a river finding a new path after a dam is built. It will take the route of least resistance but those facing it will think it is chaotic and uncontrolled. Thinking too much on the maybes and the ifs and the possibles can only make you doubt your own abilities. You are strong and skilled, beyond what I believe either you or Trent know, but looking at changing fate and playing with ifs can only lead you down a painful road filled with blockades and hazards.” His voice was soft, and he’d guided Caleb to sit down looking to calm his mind that was clearly still racing. “You all are wondering the same things, I think you should all talk, have a few plans together and use those around you to help and support you. We are all friends, you have good friends beside you, and, from what I know, that means we are there to help each other.”

“What if they really don’t remember us Caduceus? What if they will never remember us? I don’t know if I could even see them knowing…” He sighed and looked down at his bandaged arms and hands. “I just want to know they remember me.”

Caleb felt tears come to his eyes as he felt the grief bubble to the surface as losing Molly all over again. There was a hand against his back, the warmth soothing him just a little, and he clung to the firbolg finally releasing the buried emotions he’d been trying to keep down; a way to protect himself and the Nein. Emotions were dangerous, especially with his magic, and he’d always been so careful not to let it get out of control. To not break like he had before, but a bucket can only hold so much and now he needed to release it. Caduceus gave him time, held him as he felt the tears coming from the other, watched his body shake with the emotion, and saw him finally calm enough to pull back.

“Come, let’s go talk to the others. You will all be grieving again and now is the best time to lean on those around you. Especially with everything you are facing right now.” He gently encouraged the human to stand and began to guide him towards the door. “Now is time to lean on those your trust, and I should hope you trust us enough to do that with everything you have told us. You do not have to struggle against this current alone, even thought I did not know him, you have others who all bonded with the tiefling. You can talk with them, you can lean on the group, you do not have to shut yourself away and stew on this all alone. Stewing on something too long I find simply makes it sour and simply spoils a good meal.”

Caduceus followed Caleb through to tower back down the tower through to the library where all the Nein were gathered. They were scouring over the books and Beau had even seemed to make a few more notes on whatever they’d found on their new round of research. Seeing everyone together, seeing all of them trying to piece everything together brought some comfort to the wizard; all wanting to get answers. He felt Veth’s hand take his own as he watched Caduceus join the others and smiled softly down to the halfling. Beau came to his other side quickly laying a hand on his shoulder with a sympathetic smile and a nod before going back to her notes. He could feel himself growing angry at himself for pushing everyone so hard, for trying to test his own emotions when the others were affected just as much, and he was angry at forcing everyone to face their grief all over again in a selfish drive for answers. He looked down to Veth still beside him and smiled softly to her.

“I am sorry, for running, well almost, again.” He looked up at the others pouring over notes; some clearly more frustrated than others. “I am sorry to all of you. For pushing so hard and drawing this all back up again. For bringing all the pain back to the surface.”

“You weren’t alone in thinking to go. We all thought we should go, we all wondered if this might happen, I guess we just didn’t expect it to be so soon or for him to be part of whatever plot Vess has in store for us. We don’t even know if it’s Molly that’s in there but we’re pretty sure we will be facing them. We will face him and see if we can get him back, maybe it won’t happen, but we will find him.” Beau had looked to the group as she spoke, and Fjord nodded agreeing with Beau.

“We’re together in this Caleb, all of us. You don’t have to face your emotions alone, not with everything you’ve told us. With everything we’ve faced together I think you should know by now that we’re here to support and help each other.” Fjord always had that air around him of confidence and strength and Caleb couldn’t help the almost pained smile.

“Caleb, we needed to go see, we needed to get answers, and everything lead back to Molly and the Tomb Takers. It isn’t all on you, we were all looking at finding this, so please do not blame yourself. You were looking to get answers just like all of us were.” Jester came over laying a hand on his arm and smiled softly. “It is time for us to see what we can find, maybe see what Vess knows, but make sure we have everything we know to face her with.”

“We have a few ideas, but we need everyone in. We need to know the risks and you are the best to calculate that.” Yasha smiled softly looking to the wizard as she hovered over the maps they had. “I doubt any of us would know like you. What is it you say? A calculated risk is no risk?”

“Let us hear the ideas then. It is not like we often follow the plans we make but it will be good to know what you’ve all been thinking of.” Caleb smiled softly moving closer to the table; only letting go of Veth’s hand when they reached the table. “Tell me what you guys have connected, what you think is part of all this, what we think might work.”

He listened as Beau pointed from note to note, from map point to map point, thought about anything that could happen. But there was something that chanted in the back of his mind, a soft plea he couldn’t even be sure would ever be heard.

_Molly, we’re coming. Just, please, say you remember me._


End file.
